bombing:

cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas

me: you said i got one phone call

frogscreamsweedpoop:

GARY NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES

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tvspecial:

*president voice* 1 2 3 4 i declare a nuclear war

nightlifecommando:

chesqin:

i call this one…………… bold and ash

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More like belongs in the trash

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exvl:

shadownote349:

exvl:

is this a giant can of coke or just a little version of me, that you will never know 

Giant can of coke. you can see that the bottom of the can is flat, for starters. And then there’s the fact that the bottom is screwed on (if you look closely you can see the small indent where one screw is), also the shine of the can is different than a regular can. And lastly, the two stickers on the bottom of the can.

congratufuckinglations you found out that i am in fact not a human smaller than a pop can amazing  job

this-isanadventure:

My dear, I’ll be there soon

dangerouspoetry:

dangerouspoetry:

my dad just came in and tossed this at me saying it “came with the paper”

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I’m nearly a 20 year old man

update:

I gave in

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her name is stephanie

underthe-corktree:

OHHHH MYYY GOODDDDDDDDD so my dad had his boss over for dinner tonight and during dinner his boss was like “oh my billy I didn’t know you had an older son!” and we were all like what is this guy talking about BUT THEN WE REALIZED HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE STUMP PICTURES TAPED ON MY REFRIGERATOR 

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AND MY DAD JUST WENT ALONG WITH IT SAYING “OH YES THATS MY SON PATRICK HE LIVES IN CHICAGO NOW” AND MY MOM AND I LAUGHED SO HARD WE HAD TO LEAVE THE ROOM